Been a while since I had an identity crisis... (hello Darkness, my old friend)

I keep thinking I should blog here more often...

... I mean, I have a Facebook fan page for this blog and everything.

The issue is, what the fuck do I blog about?

I'm going through one of those identity crises that we Borderlines are so fluent in.

Do, I blog about my mental health?

Well, guess what, I already have a mental health blog. It's under a pen name because I'm keeping some details private when it comes to my mental health, but that hasn't stopped me from sharing the blog with others. Hell, it's even linked to on my Scribophile Profile Page.

My mental health blog is also closely tied to my Ghost Story (erotica) blog... even though I've not posted there in ages either. I haven't needed to write a Ghost Story in a long time because my current, actual work in progress is technically a Ghost Story.

You see, Ghost is this imaginary lover that lives in my head. Whenever I'm feeling sexually dissatisfied, I'll usually end up fantasizing about someone (real or not) and those fantasies would eventually make it into the Ghost Story blog.

Neither of these blogs are really private anymore. I send people to them all the fucking time.

Okay... so, maybe I should blog about my writing?

Well, guess what again, I already have a professional writer website/blog.

I have my overarching identity, Sarah Anne Smith. But, it's perfectly well known that if I write anything Psychological Horror, it's going under the pen name Amanda Harris (and she has her own Facebook and blog). If I write anything Erotica/Romance related, it's going under the pen name of Jezzabeth Sparrow.

BOTH Amanda and Jezzabeth USE that website (which hasn't been updated in fucking forever).

So, here we are in pure identity crisis mode.

Who owns what?

Who the hell is Sarah Anne Smith, or Companion Anne anymore?

Everything used to have these clearly defined boundaries on who was who and what got posted where, but now all those lines are blurred.

It could be said that Companion Anne would be for general Sarah Anne updates, but most of those end up in the mental health blog anyway.

This is all pretty fucking confusing.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

No Fate But What We Make...

Thank you, Sarah 
for your courage

during the dark years

I cannot help you 

with what you soon

must face

Except to say that

the future is not set

You must be stronger

than you imagine 

you can be

You must survive

Or I will never

Exist

Every morning I write the words 'NO FATE' on my arm. This is a part of my daily ritual. This is how I remind myself, every morning, that the future is not set. This is how I survive. By reminding myself that even if all, current, potential outcomes seem grim... all it takes is one chance encounter to change a girls life. Forever.

At any given moment, some love struck super soldier from the future might decide to make a difference.

It doesn't make things suck any less...

But it helps me to remain resilient to the suck.

America's Next Top Model is oddly comforting.

I know, right?  You totally weren't expecting that, but hear me out.

THIS:

Courtney DuPerow

She's beautiful...

 ... and tortured.

She's a bully survivor.

I don't think she's ever had a real friend a day in her life.

The other models this cycle... well they've been bullying her too.

Courtney is living proof that being beautiful is not a magic bullet for happiness.  Everyone knows that I don't show my face because I'm ashamed of the fact that I'm so overweight.  I don't feel beautiful on the outside, but you know what?  The beautiful people in that house are relentlessly ugly to her.  They pretend to be her friends until she trusts them.  Then they cut her down behind her back while she cries in the next room.  They KNOW she can hear everything they're saying about her.  They're total dick bags.

She's real.

She's unique.

She's a good person.

If you guys get a chance, reach out to her on Twitter: @babygirl031994

Tell her not to give in.  Tell her not to give up.  Watching her story has helped me realize that my outsides not matching my insides is the least of my worries.  I find it very comforting to know that so-called 'beautiful people' have their challenges and insecurities too.

I think deep down, we're all human.

Right?

So, I finally saw the new Conan...

... and I was about as impressed as I expected to be.  But, there were some things that stood out.

This sword, for starters:

Which brought up this article in a Google search when I was looking for images of it:

6 Things Movies Get Wrong About Swords (An Inside Look)

But, I do have to give extremely honorable mention to Rose McGowan for playing a scary, scary, scary bitch:

I didn't even recognize her at first...

... I had to IMDB her to be sure...