Acceptable Substitutions:

I wound up fucking off the yoga two days in a row... but, hear me out. I think I'm actually justified in this. (this time, anyway)

A significant portion of my yoga poses are designed to strengthen me where I become the most fatigued during/after some seriously hot sex.

Okay... so, I had an intimate encounter last night. Zero fatigue both during and after.

This morning I accidentally slept in by about 30 minutes, and then coffee and I were slow going because I was responding to messages and updating my private journal and my other blog with a great deal of information.

I was still about to *start* the yoga before 11 am. And that's my rule. I try to be DONE by 11 am, but on slow mornings it's okay if I at least start it by 11.

At 10:45 I received an important phone call. Someone who means more to me than the yoga itself. Someone worthy of taking my time away from my usual routine. As we talked I paced up and down my hallway and during the course of our conversation, my Fitbit signaled that I'd reached my step goal for the day.

Okay, so, technically I DID exercise. Both last night and this morning. So, I'm letting the yoga go for another day. I still feel a little 'off/guilty' about it. But I'm sure I'll be able to let that go soon enough.

No Fate But What We Make...

Thank you, Sarah 
for your courage

during the dark years

I cannot help you 

with what you soon

must face

Except to say that

the future is not set

You must be stronger

than you imagine 

you can be

You must survive

Or I will never

Exist

Every morning I write the words 'NO FATE' on my arm. This is a part of my daily ritual. This is how I remind myself, every morning, that the future is not set. This is how I survive. By reminding myself that even if all, current, potential outcomes seem grim... all it takes is one chance encounter to change a girls life. Forever.

At any given moment, some love struck super soldier from the future might decide to make a difference.

It doesn't make things suck any less...

But it helps me to remain resilient to the suck.

Life Events and Other Awesome...

I'm not sure how much of this I can really go into... let's just say that something wonderful has happened.

I'm still in recovery... but I feel a lot less broken these days.

I don't know if I'll ever be 100% ready do go back out into the big bad world, but with other things that have advanced, I might not need to.

I started writing again... for reals.

And, I'm going back to school to do whatever it takes to improve my craft.

Thank you to my friends who've given me their unwavering support during my darkness.

Thank you to the Beloved One for staying by my side.

Thank you to the healers who have helped me get back to a better place.

Witch Born - original artwork by Eve Ventrue

Stage Fright: Come for the Songs, Stay for the BLOOD!

Quite a while back, probably going on about 20 years, my circle of friends and I had an absolutely wonderful tradition.

Monday Night Movies (Later Sunday Night Cinema)

It was great because we were all very different people, from very different backgrounds, and collectively we had a very diverse and eclectic pallet when it came to entertainment.  We all added our favorite movies to the groups 'must see' list.

There are movies I NEVER would have watched, had it not been for MNM/SNC.  Example; anything sports related = so NOT my thing.  Nevertheless, one movie in particular, about a high school football team, is one of my absolute favorites.  I'm looking at you Varsity Blues!   >.<

"Kyle, did you start a cult?  Oh, that's so sweeeet!"

Sadly, I don't have that close knit circle of friends in my life anymore.  We've all moved away, moved on...  We're friends on Facebook, but we don't even interact there really.

I miss that, because I would have inflicted Stage Fright on them without abandon.

Stage Fright is a typical, run of the mill, campers and counselors vs. a mask wearing, knife wielding, terrifying SLASHER.

Except it's not typical, for one reason:  It's a musical.

Oh, yes!  You read that right!  It's a frakkin MUSICAL!

Not only is it a musical, it's a musical about a summer camp for stage geeks that love musicals, who are preparing for and performing... you got it... a musical.  It's a musical about a musical.  Wouldn't that be a Meta-Musical?

You kind of have to survive the first seven minutes, and then THIS:



I made it to about the part that takes place near the totem pole when I was like:  "Nope!  Can't do it!"  I shut the laptop, I grabbed the giant blue fuzzy blankie and I stalked out to the living room.  I pointed to the Beloved One, I pointed to the big TV.  "Netflix, big TV, NOW.  You are doing this with me."

"Oooh kaaayyy?  What exactly am I doing now?  And why?"

"JUST DO IT!"

Two hours later, we were both in stitches... it was HILARIOUS!!

A bit campy...

(Ba-dum-bump!)

Little One (and I) need official "Don't Feed the Yao Guai" T-Shirts

This is the ACTUAL letter I just sent to Bethesda suggesting this:

I was just telling my daughter about the time I had the level 2 animal friend perk.  Anyway... I was running around in a very open area, admiring the way my ass looked in recon power armor, when all the sudden I start getting pinged from laser blasts off in the distance.  Before I could even look around and figure out where the shots were coming from an entire HERD of Yao Guai ran past me and mauled the poor little sentry robot to teeny weeny little itty bitty bits.   

I was so amused. 

It was one of those 'once in a lifetime' gaming moments that can never really be repeated. 

So, after telling my daughter that story, I also told her about how my husband and I used to say "don't feed the Yao Guai" all the time when I was playing Fallout 3, like every day! (and admiring how my ass looked in recon power armor) 

My daughter is an aspiring geeklet.  We're going to be doing YouTube video's where she's the geeky little star.  We're amassing a collection of geeky T-Shirts for her to wear on her show. 

We would LOVE LOVE LOVE an official "Don't Feed the Yao Guai" T-Shirt. 

If you actually make them, would you please do a kid size for her and some adult sizes for me and my husband?  It would go great with the Vault 101 sneakers I just bought. 

Much love,
a loyal fan...
@CompanionAnne

Terminator Love

A few days ago I was riding in the back of a cab and musing to myself silently...  I found myself thinking about the appearance of Linda Hamilton in Syfy's Defiance.

Oh Linda... so much love... so little time.

You were the first Sarah Connor.  Could anyone live up to you?

I was extremely skeptical of Lena Headey in the role of Sarah Connor at first, but she eventually won me over.

Now... much to my extraordinary delight... a new face is going to be applied to the character I have loved for the better part of the last three decades.

Emilia Clarke, whom I fucking adore the hell out if as Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones, will be playing Sarah Connor in the upcoming Terminator: Genisys.

When I think about the similarities between Daenerys and Sarah, this just makes sense.

Both women begin their journey with no clue about the personal power they possess.  Both women were literally thrust into the arms of warriors.  Both women found love.  Both women lost that love.  Both women rose from those ashes to become extraordinary.

I've always identified strongly with Daenerys as a domestic abuse survivor and I share her experience as someone transformed by a warriors love.

But I want to come back to the original point of this post.

I have always held a deep abiding love for the the movie Terminator.

Why?

Because it's one of the greatest love stories ever told.

What?  Are you crazy?  It's a cheesy sci-fi/action flick!

No, it's not.

Well okay, yes it is, BUT that's not all it is.  It's also one of the greatest love stories ever told.

Think about the relationship between Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor.  He literally crossed time and space just to be with her.

"I came across time for you, Sarah.  I love you.  I always have."*

Can you imagine what it was like for Sarah to be on the receiving end of that kind of devotion?

And let's not forget the performance of Michael Beihn.  Ye Gods, where do I even start?

He can be strong without being an ass and he can be vulnerable without being a wuss.  He was the perfect choice for the role of Kyle Reese.  I'm not sure anyone** could fill those shoes.

Now, much like my connection to Daenerys, I also have a connection to Sarah.  I can't go into details, but I will say that the Beloved One is exactly the type of person who would cross time and space just to be with me.  I know exactly what it's like to be on the receiving end of that kind of devotion.

Fortunately, I differ strongly from both of these women in one particular regard.  My Beloved One hasn't died tragically on me, for which I'm eternally grateful.

I also kinda doubt my ability to survive him.  Sorry, as much as I admire these women... I have no desire to follow in their footsteps.  The Beloved One and I have a deal.  I get to be the one who dies first.

Now, I know there are skeptics when it comes to Terminator: Genisys.  The story is overdone and poorly sequeled, as is the case with many great attempts at well told fiction.  But, it's not the tired, time travel, sci-fi drivel that has me worried.  I'm pretty sure they're going to botch that... I agree with the nay sayers on that point.

It's the love story I'm concerned with.  If they botch that, I'll be seriously pissed.

For now, I remain hopeful though.

--

*NOTE:  I could not find the actual clip where Kyle speaks that line.  If you have it, let me know!!

**Jai Courtney, who played Varro in the Cable TV series Spartacus, will be taking on the role of Kyle Reese.  I wish him the best, but...

--

!!SPOILER!!

If you've never seen the original Terminator movie, don't read past this point.

One of the most touching elements of this original love story is the photograph of Sarah that Kyle carries with him.  It's an old polaroid.  Worn, faded, and creased from being folded in his pocket.  

Kyle tells Sarah that he always wondered what she was thinking when that photo was taken.

In the end of the movie Sarah is recording a tape for her future son John, and wondering what she's going to tell him about his father.  She drifts off... she's thinking about him.  She's so sad... she's on the verge of tears.

SNAP

Some little kid running a hussle takes a picture of her and tells her that if he doesn't sell it to her, his father will beat him.  She doesn't fall for it, but she buys the photo anyway and looks at it.

It's the same picture.

That thing Kyle had been wondering?  What was she thinking about when the picture was taken?  

She was thinking of him.

Dead Like Me (aka Adventures in Nerdy Pair Bonding)

It seems like ages ago...

The Beloved One and I lived in a bi-level apartment.  I LOVED that place.  The lower level was kitchen and living area.  The upper level was two bedrooms and a bathroom.  The Beloved One had his desk set up in the living area, and my 'office' was in the second bedroom.  We used to call it the dungeon and the tower.

Anyway...

One day I was upstairs and curled up in bed with my laptop.  The Beloved One came up to check in on me and bestow affection, as he is want to do frequently throughout the day.

After kisses he asked "whatcha watchin?"

"Dead Like Me."

"Dead Like Me?"

"No no, Dead Like Me."

"Hm, what's it about?"

"It's about a girl who get's killed by a toilet seat entering the atmosphere from the Mir Space Station.  Then she's recruited to become a grim reaper."

*eyebrows raise*

"I'm only about 20 minutes into it, I can back it up!"

"Oh, sure."  In his 'I'll stay for one episode and snuggle' voice.

...

We didn't leave the bed for the rest of the weekend, except for a brief interlude between seasons one and two where I demanded to go out to a diner for breakfast at 7am.  We pounded down the entire thing, and LOVED every second of it.

...

Years later we still quote the funnies often in our daily conversations.  These are inside jokes that have continued to amuse us quite a bit.

Sadly, it is no longer on Netflix instant.  But, they do have the DVD's.  Just a day or so ago we giggled heartily repeating "I have illegals in my bottom," in funny English accents.

Heh...

Guess what's next in my Netflix queue now.

Updaty post is all updaty and shiz...

Um, yeah... I just said that.

Anyway, this is a general update post, but it also has some foreshadowing on my new project.

Up first, HEATH:

In the aftermath of my afternoon in the ER, whatever was up with my kidney's is done and over with.  My INR isn't 100% on track because I skipped several days of my meds trying to get it down from "oh my god, I could bleed out at any second."  I get it tested every Friday, so let's just hope that it all works out.

SKIN:

I don't know if it's hard water or what.  I know it's not allergies or detergent or anything like that.  But my skin is ITCHY!!!  I was scratching so often and so hard that I was leaving long, deep bleeding furrows in my flesh.  The Beloved One had a fear that I would either scratch myself bloody or contract some sort of weird staph infection if I didn't get it looked at.

As a result, I now have a dermatologist prescribed goo that I have to slime myself with regularly.  It's basically mineral oil and white petroleum jelly with a tiny bit of medicine in it to combat the itchy.

So far I don't think the medicine itself is strong enough because I'm still just as itchy if not more.  However, my skin is SO HYDRATED now!  Once the stuff absorbs, my skin feels wonderful.  So, this isn't so bad after all.

WEIGHT GAIN:

During the homeless crisis I gained a lot of weight.  I know I'm only making it worse by using TONS of real sugar in my coffee and basically living a sedentary life.  Don't worry... I'm working on it.  Baby steps.  First things first is tackling that sugar thing.  But, um, UGH!  The artificial stuff tastes SO nasty.  (shudder)

THE ARROW IN MY KNEE:

I blame my friend Brandy,   If it weren't for some random Facebook push about something awesome she did in the Game of Thrones Ascent game, I probably could have gone my whole life without descending back into the world of Facebook games again.  *le sigh*

As it stands, I'm at something like level 98 or so and climbing in the game.  And THEN I decided I needed something to do while my vassles were questing and such and I decided to look into simulation games.  I have no gaming budget, so I have to go with what's free, otherwise I'd just give in to the Beloved One's demands that I stop Facebook gaming and play The Sims.  Nevertheless, I did find a game called City Girl Life, where I play a recent college grad moving to New York City and making a name for herself.  I get to decorate an apartment, work a job and wear cute clothes.  It's mindless fun and I like it.

Now, I did also download a bunch of REAL games.  Free to play, via Steam.  BUT, I can't play any of them because my computer is falling apart.  The case is cracked.  The fan is broken.  It randomly overheats and shuts off.  If I try to game an actual game, the computer can only handle the extra strain on the processor for about twenty-minutes.

Getting a new computer is on the list.  But there are are a lot of other things that are going to have to come first.

SOCIAL MEDIA:

I'm getting good at this social media thing.  I'm getting retweeted by some pretty upscale entities.  I think that's pretty bad ass.  It's also a skill that is going to be seriously important in the upcoming months.

NEW PROJECT:

I'm still going to try to keep up with my project of building resource lists and posting about things that I'm passionate about, but this new project is very Little One-centric.  It's a new BIG THING that will operate with me in the background and allow her to serve as the public face.

Step One is having something to call it.  I've brainstormed a short list of names and I'm going to start a poll on Friday, October 3rd.  This will give the poll a full week to run and then the Little One and are going to announce the winning name/label/title/whatchmacallit on the evening of Friday, October 10th.  Hopefully I'll have the entire project off the ground by her birthday on the 16th.

Without going into too many details.  It's essentially going to be an awareness campaign / non-profit organization.  I hope it will eventually take on a life of it's own and become a movement.

In general it's just really cool to have a BIG project to work on again.  It's also a mommy thing and gives the Little One and I something to do together while introducing her to the value of non-traditional 'work' rolls.  She has a pretty niche brain.  I'm not sure that a normal 9-5 job is what's exactly in the cards for her.  Opening her up to a potential career path at an early age is just kinda bad ass.

#ThisIsWhyIRock

Military Bronies React To Wonderbolt Academy

Blame the Beloved One for this.

Here I am, diligtly researching my next resources project, when he plays this on the big TV... and suddenly my post goes straight to hell.

Anyway...

This little gem comes to us from FOB Equestria, a band of Military Bronies out to end the stigma that MLP is just for girls.



I've also taken the liberty of finding the most epic t-shirt ever, and posting that here as well.

This post just got 20% Cooler

Reblogged: This Is What It’s Like To Watch “Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban” For The First Time - by Daniel Dalton

The Beloved One and I are watching TV while I diligently work on suckering my social media tentacles onto, well... everything!  Overheard (because I'm not really paying attention) "That was the worst live funeral I ever live tweeted," which made me LOL because, social media (bitches).  I went on the Google's to see if I could find out what that was from (my Google-Fu was not strong enough to find it, but) and found THIS instead.

I read the whole thing and LOL'd my ass off:

Read the whole thing HERE.

On Unicorns, (fuzzy) Blankies, and the magic of occasionally being Agness in real life:

When I was about my daughters age, I got a fluffy blue unicorn blankie as a gift.  I went out of my ever loven mind.

I THOUGHT the fluffy blue unicorn blankie had been lost during the homeless crisis.  But, the Beloved One magically pulled it out of the bottom of a box one day.  And I went out of my ever loven mind... well actually I didn't... but I was really happy to see it because now that is the family heirloom I can bequeath my daughter with.

Cause you see... my blankie has already kinda been replaced.

~~~

Around the time of my Birthday the Beloved One, the Little One and I were shopping and I saw a giant, fluffy (oh.my.god.it's.so.fluffy), royal blue blankie.  It came home with  me.

About a month ago, the Beloved One and I were shopping and I said "Ooo, what's that?"  Spying a large, grey, fluffy object from halfway across the room.  It turned out to be a giant rhino.  A big, fluffy, pillow pet, giant rhino.  Oh, here's a puppy.  Hey look, I found a bear.

Hey what's that pink one?

OH MY GOD IT'S A GIANT UNICORN!!!

I went out of my ever loven, mother frakken mind.  I HAD TO HAVE IT.

~~~

Now, I watch TV curled up in a love seat nest, leaning on my giant fluffy unicorn pillow, and curled up in my oh so fluffy blue blankie of doom.

The Beloved One has taken to sleeping on the couch because our bed isn't big enough for him, me and the unicorn.

I hug my unicorn, Charlie, daily.

On Vulcan mind melds, the Beloved One and the T.A.R.D.I.S.

I've recently come into my identity/job title as a 'Companion'.  (more on that later)

The Beloved One, the Little One and I all have individual profiles on our Netflix account.  We all have very different tastes in entertainment.  But the Beloved One and I also have a shared profile for things that we both enjoy and would watch together.  He named it, simply, "The Couch".

Now, his nickname since the dawn of time has always been 'Doc'.

I am recently a 'companion'.

Our Netflix is one of our ways of exploring the universe and seeing new things.  So, today I renamed our shared account "The T.A.R.D.I.S."  I didn't tell him.  I was saving it as a surprise.  I knew he'd think it was cute the next time he logged into Netflix.

And yet, earlier today, probably only about an hour after I had done this, the Beloved One decided to name our blu-ray player.

I shit you not, without talking to me or having seen what I had done on Netflix,, he named it The Tardis.  "Because it's bigger on the inide."

LOL

When two extremely nerdy people are so in love that they occasionally share a brain, the world becomes an amazing place to be alive.