You, WHO?

So, it's been a bit of an identity crisis lately.

It started when I began to re-insert myself into the world of social media and online "life sharing"  When I was choosing a Twitter username I realized I no longer felt connected to SarahAnneSmith40.  Truthfully I always kinda hated it because of the '40', but when I was originally creating my Sarah Anne Smith online identity I had to get creative with the gmail address because it was kinda taken.

Anywho,  (you see what I did there?)

The '40' was a promise that I made to myself.  I swore that I would do something significant before I turned 41, and that basically didn't happen.  Having the '40' there was a bit of a constant reminder of my failure.

The name Sarah Anne Smith was born out if a desire to sever myself completely from my blood family.  The individual components of the name: Sarah, Anne and Smith were based on the alternates of my multiple personality disorder.

Now THERE is an interesting tidbit. That whole multiple personality thing.  I'm not exactly sure just when my personalty transitioned from merely fractured to full on broken, but the voices in my head had become something more than just that.  The really cool part is that they are me from five years in the future of my own time line.  My perfect selves, realized.

Sarah is a survivalist, a warrior.  Think Sarah Connor.
Anne is a sensual healer, a sex mage, a carnalmancer.
Smith is a web designer.  Her real name, in my head, is Code Monkey.

Okay, but here's the thing.

I can't hear the voices anymore.  I haven't for a long time.  And I don't think that means I'm healed or cured.  Quite the opposite in fact.  Truth is, I'm more broken than ever.

I don't identify as a survivalist anymore.  In fact, I just purged my Facebook friends list of anyone connected to military, law enforcement, tactical gear, firearms training or private citizen gun ownership.  I went from over 300 friends to 82.  I remember when I had big dreams of starting an empowerment course for domestic abuse survivors that placed 90% of it's empowerment emphasis on fire arms training.  Yeah... that's all gone now.

I guess I could still be a healer if I weren't so broken.  Not to mention the fact that the Beloved One keeps me so satisfied in the love, sex and relationships departments that I don't really have any desire to be polyamorous anymore.

And lastly, I don't identify as a web designer or a digital artist anymore.  Truthfully, the back end standards are evolving so fast that I can't keep up, and maintaining the software necessary to achieve optimal output gets really damn impossible when on a very limited and fixed income.

I digress...

When picking my Twitter name I suddenly came up with the idea of Companion Anne.  I've been Doctor Who'ing a lot lately and @CompanionAnne just had a nice ring to it.

Here's why it makes sense:

1. Hearing the voices of my future selves makes me a sort of time traveler.
2. The Beloved One is a sort of time traveler as well.  (but I'm not going into details on that)
3. His nickname has been 'Doc' since the very dawn of time. 
4. In addition to the implications of the word 'Companion' in the Whoverse, the Whedonverse Companion is very much a sensual healer.

Ergo; "Companion" + "Anne" just works.  

Not only that, there's the reality that the combined, Sarah Anne Smith is also a multi-faceted reference to the Whoverse.  From the way that the Doctor uses the name John Smith when he wishes to go incognito and blend in, to the Companion so beloved by the fans of the Whoverse that she got her own spin off series... twice.

So you see the 'Companion' thing really isn't all that new.  It's always been there in the shadows and just recently found an excuse to make itself known.  

Rose Tyler, another Compaion, said it best:  

"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words... ...I scatter them, in time and space. A message, to lead myself here."